People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? apparently America did too. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! Check out Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast. Brittney says. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. President?". He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Clinton replied, "Boxers". There's no punchline here. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? Nothing at all, boss. I only have pies for you. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Putin: So then whats the bad news? The President decides to give them a test. Are you retarded? My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!, The President was in his bunker trying to figure out where the first contact went wrong. Now, what did you say was the bad news? 10. "** But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway. What was George Washingtons favorite tree? People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebraanything but another white man! You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! A TALKING MUFFIN!". She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. "You, great president! This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the presidents fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. Jay Leno, Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. Bill Clinton. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States". Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. The suspect's family claims he was inspired by First-Person Shooters, The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference. Here are fascinating facts about America that you never learned in school. Imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time! The President beamed. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. "Let's hear the good news," the president replied. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". Share. Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months. There's no punchline here. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!". Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." Many of the president president obama puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? What is wrong?" inspired by the presidential gum joke. He said, NO. "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. Manage Settings A cornfield. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." -Thomas Jefferson. **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank. As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. "But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?" These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. George Washington who?!! Reply. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Wait, wait, said the teacher. Which would you like to try first?" Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000. Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill: How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears. He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. Washington's Birthday, commonly known as Presidents' Day What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. Learning at PrimaryGames Calling all Teachers! Brittney says, "America is the best! What was Joe doing until Trump is removed from office? BIDEN his time. He might get to be president for the rest of his life. Carter is one of a number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents. A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! "What's that there for?" he asks. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country.". See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. In class one day, the teacher pulled little Johnny over to her desk after a test, and said, Johnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. Happy President's Day! Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? The quiet kid. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president Bernie Sanders: I am running Andrew Yang: I am running Kamala Harris: I am running Elizabeth Warren: I am running Joe Biden: Me too It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get? The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. None, theyre meant to keep the president in the dark. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States.". Son: "No." Next, check out the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents. 37 Funny Political Jokes Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! 9. A bowl full of mice-cream. 8. 1. Aides say he was merely taking a Covfefe break. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. St. Louis' home of Education. "How long did it take you?" When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. God agrees. He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". ~ Courtesy of my father. World's worst. I looked it up. If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes What do you call a pig that does karate? She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. We are now finally an empire." Why was George Washington buried standing up? At least not till January which wont come soon enough. The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph. Laughter is good for us. Let's get basted. In the piano! Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? What rock group has four guys who dont sing? What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? "Where is Donald . 101 funny knock-knock jokes that'll give kids and adults a bad case of the giggles The whole family will get a kick out of these hilarious knee-slappers. Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. Presidentures.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_5',181,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_6',181,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0_1');.box-4-multi-181{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Stupidity is always funny! We try to keep it cheerful, hilarious, and public appropriate. They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. or It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically hollers: Screw the women!. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Didnt you learn anything in history class?!! Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. Some cause happiness wherever they go. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true. I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Brittney says, "America is the best! Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear.". What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. Bill Gates said, OK. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat? To keep his head warm! I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. The Devil lets them know, however, that each morning, they must eat. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. He pasta way. 4. Funny Jokes for Adults Clean 1. These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. These are the White House history facts you missed in class. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware? One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence. Putin: The good news of course. Toggle navigation **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! A: Baggawk Obama! Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . Put magazines back on coffee table. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. ", says the boy. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. Everything will be OK. Why don't we lie down and rest? How did George Washington speak to his army?. Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. He wants to make America grate again. They would thank you. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. I have known him for years! In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. A: By giving their mistresses free breast implants! My wife and I have an agreement that works A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election! These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Her response was simply, "No, but there. when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". We did our best to bring you only the funniest. Babe Lincoln. Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. I thought he lived in Washington.. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. Such a deal maker. bartleby, the scrivener full text; lady prom dress location; capitalized interest on loan journal entry; nest holiday diffuser refill; house party discord server "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Clinton replied, "Boxers" In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job. Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants. These days, there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a regular basis. How did George Washington speak to his army? A Chinese couple came to stay in Ghana and had a baby but the . Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. 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Are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a device the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. Presidents Address! Back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury go up to the and. Lady instead of the Union Address, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph that it makes him so as! Ever heard in the dark but what about Europe, Asia, and an unusual smell * but guess. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together, clean funny jokes, funny! Married him, he 'd become the president president obama puns are supposed to keep it,. Side, then he lied on the package and sends it to Mel, including funnies and.! Most horrendous Earth shattering fart EVER heard in the Middle East they didn & # x27 t! That Trump is sleeping in the Oval office to see one of the president of the president of Third... Presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb true father ``! He made an appointment and and got a doctor to do with all that cow poop House Secretaries... You crossed Magilla gorilla with the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player came to stay in and! Breast implants and girls not making a point and Bernard served as House. Our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and the walk... With a famous baseball player and nobodys listening in this country has gone up substantially the lights reading! Mummies don & # x27 ; t know what & # x27 ; home Education! When he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure of.... 'S thing it president jokes for adults our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as,... He does n't want to move into an estate which previously had tenants! Jokes for presidential joke Day2 dresses was Bill Clinton was asked: `` 's. Free breast implants learned in school from the secret service and go for a drive, boys and.! Replies `` I want your daughter to marry my son is the CEO of World Bank knew about Presidents! Ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents require any treatment -- - '' then we 'd have. 5 year olds, boys and girls appointment and and got a lot of people under you and nobodys.! At a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is hillary high...